I’ve been doing a lot of observing lately. Observing my son Jack run full speed into the world – fearless, wild, and curious. Observing my daughter Evie take in everything around her with wide eyes and such a peaceful, fun spirit. Somewhere between bathtime and my morning prayers, the Holy Spirit has gifted me this revelation:

My children aren’t mine to mold.
They are mine to love.
To protect.
To guide.
But not to control.

Not the message a self-diagnosed control freak wants to hear, but okay, God.

Jack is turning three in a couple of weeks, and lately, I’ve found myself in awe of how naturally bold my little boy is. Jack is ALL BOY. He doesn’t hesitate. He jumps. Climbs. Tests the limits. And 90% of the time, I catch myself trying to rein that boy in. We are living on a few acres now and we have ducks, dogs, chickens, and a pond. Let me tell you, there isn’t a thing that boy is afraid of and there’s so much of me that wants to bubble wrap him up, and say “no” just because it feels safer for me.

But what if he falls?

What if he cuts his hand off? (A literal thought I’ve had…)

What if this, what if that.

But here’s the BIG IF that hit me like a ton of bricks: If I lead him with fear, he’ll learn to be afraid. And I can’t allow myself to instill any of my own fears on my son.

My job isn’t to clip his wings. It’s to be the arms he flies back into when he’s tried and fallen short. My job is to be his greatest encourager. To let him know that his strength comes from the Lord – and that with Him – all things are possible.

Because God didn’t make Jack to be cautious. He made him to be Jack. And my role isn’t to dim that spark – it’s to steward it with wisdom, love, and as much grace as I can muster.

The same now goes for Evie. My little red head. Even at just six months, I see how observant she is. I know she’ll grow into her own kind of brave. I can already tell that she’s going to give me a run for my money. And I want to make room for that little girl. Not rush her, not shape her into my vision of her — but to celebrate her for exactly who she is. Beautiful and so worthy.

Motherhood is one wild ride. One minute you’re cleaning up a blow out, the next you’re having a massive spiritual epiphany in the middle of the night during a feeding. I know that I’ve only been at this for a few years; but I know this much: I don’t want to parent from a place of fear. I want to parent from a place of complete trust.

Trust in God.

Trust in His hedge of protection over my kids.

Trust in the story that’s been written for them both.

Trust in who He created them to be.

And trust that He’ll equip me with everything that I need to raise them well.

These realizations also have me thinking a lot about how the Lord feels about me. How many times have I let fear creep into my thoughts, into my work, into my decision making? Too many to count. And yet, I know – deep within my soul that He’s whispering to me every day: “Just trust Me, Alex.”

But what if I fall, Lord?

What if I cut my freaking hand off?

Just like I’m learning to release control with my children, He’s inviting me to do the same with my OWN life. Just like my kids, my story has already been written. He is in complete control. And there is so much peace in remembering that I’m not walking this journey alone – I’m being parented too, by a God who sees the full picture and calls me worthy still.

So today, I’m choosing to honor the beautiful children that God created. To see their uniqueness as a sacred gift. To celebrate the fact that they were fearfully and wonderfully made in the quiet place – not in my image, but in His.

So if you’re a mama reading this and you’re wondering how to protect without hovering, or how to trust without being a stage five clinger, I get it. You are NOT alone. Let’s raise these babies with the courage we are called to, drenched in grace, and held in the hands of the One who wrote every page of their story – and every page of ours too.

Because He is worthy. And so are we in Him.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand – when I awake, I am still with you.” Psalm 139: 13-18